The House of Commons Internet Censorship Debate.

Mr Peter Wishart SNP according to the press, intends to bring up the issue of internet censorship at the House of Commons. We reckon it might go something like this.

Order, Order in the House


Speaker: Honorary member, you wish to table a motion. Please state your name.


Wishart: I'm Peter from Perth


Speaker: You came all the way from Australia?


Wishart: No Peter from Perthshire, Scotland


Speaker: Oh. Well Peter from Perthshire what is your proposal?


Wishart: I wish to propose that the government implement robust new measures to censor the internet and make sure that we remove any websites that we don't like the look of.


Speaker: What you wish to censor the information superhighway, one of the greatest inventions of our modern times?


Wishart: Oh is it? I didn't realise.


Speaker: What is your party's policy with regard to censorship and freedom of speech?


Wishart: Well I'd have to look it up but it will be a very very robust policy.


Speaker: So what it is Peter from Perthshire that you wish to censor from the internet?


Wishart: Well there's these 2 websites that we want to remove.


Speaker: Are they pornographic, feature sadomasochism, beastiality or beheadings?


Wishart: Well er no.


Speaker: That's a shame, so what's the problem?


Wishart: Well they say all sorts of horrid things about Perthshire council, the Chamber and how badly managed the place is along with showing nasty photos of empty shops and businesses which make the place look run down. They also claim the Fair City is not a city and that it is not a thriving vibrant place?


Speaker: Well are the photos of the empty shops and businesses for real and does the place look run down?


Wishart: Well er yes the photographs are real but I wouldn't say the place looks run down. We have lots of hanging baskets full of lovely flowers.


Speaker: So the place is badly managed and shops are closing and having to move out. What are you doing about it?


Wishart: Well we have very very robust policies in place.


Speaker: Is it a city?


Wishart: Well er no but it's a very robust town so as good as.


Speaker: Is it a thriving and vibrant place?


Wishart: Most evenings there's lots of very robust activity around the town centre for you to enjoy such as bare knuckle fighting and projectile vomiting.


Speaker: Lovely. So how many new businesses have relocated to and become successful in Perthshire?


Wishart: Oh er I dunno. But I am sure we have a very very very very robust policy for monitoring that.


Speaker: So exactly what is your point Peter from Perthshire?


Wishart: These people are nothing but poison and have indulged in a campaign of hate against our business community and local politicians.


Speaker: Really. Sounds like they have just pointed out a few home truths and voiced a few genuine concerns to me. Do you know who they are and have you contacted them?


Wishart: Well the Toy Town News gave me a name and no I haven't contacted them.


Speaker: Well maybe you should - you might learn something.


Wishart: But they published a horrid photo of me with a fried egg on my face.


Speaker: You were very lucky it was only fried egg. Now piss off Peter from Perthshire, find yourself a new buzzword and go do something useful with your time.